i am a queen! now where is my crown?

i don't think i've ever told you guys how much i love queen...or if i did, i totally forget. if i forgot, then you probably forgot, too.

queen is the gay club we go to on wednesdays for ladies night. no, not every wednesday...i'm not that fun or cool or whatever you are if you go out all the time. i think i've been like 4 times. anyway, wednesdays are free for girls, but plenty of boys still show up...actually, quite a few straight ones, too. but lots and lots and lots of super gay guys in there too. last night, there was an ultra gay guy dancing/flinging his body about on a platform, his shirt unbuttoned to show his sexy tats. one of the tattoos outline his left boob (scuse me, pec) and the others followed those V lines that not-so-discreetly pointed to you know what. of course.

the club makes for great people watching. there was this other guy there last night who looked like he was on a date with a girl. i guess date because it was just the two of them, and he was looking REALLY awkward..you know, typical date stuff. it was extra awk because this guy was the biggest nerd i've seen in paris. he was visibly uncomfortable in his extra tall body, his face was speckled with acne, and he just had the face of a geek...you know what i'm saying. he's like those guys from "beauty and the geek." anyway, the girls and i didn't think that he had a CHANCE with the girl he was with...i mean, he was doing the point-your-fingers dance, where you do this white man jig with no beat and point your fingers in the air.

well, about 2 hours later, we see him on the steps, MAKING OUT WITH THE GIRL. we did this excited hop (totally unbeknownst to him) and felt victorious...even though we didn't do a dang thing.

oh, so back to queen. at 130 am, they open up the bar for the girls. "OPEN BAR POUR LES FILLES!" the announcement in the club yells. all the girls at the bar are given a plastic cup (or, rather, we all fight for them and snarl our teeth at bitches who cut in) and two clearly gay bartenders bust open bottles of champagne. but this is no formal affair. to get your cup filled, you have to yell as LOUD as you can, shoving your arms in the air, screaming like you've never wanted anything more in your life. there are about 100 girls crowding around a bar that must be the size of the serving thing at freebirds, all pushing up against each other and covered in champagne, because the bartenders think it's SO funny to pour champagne all over everyone. the whole open bar is animalistic and kind of gross if i think about it, so i just don't. it's gotta be one of my favorite parts of queen, so i'd rather not hear all your criticism ("nicki, you're more mature than that!" no, i'm not).

after that, things really start to heat up. around 2 am, the strippers come out. male strippers (duh). usually they're wearing some sort of nice suit and they do their strippy dance for about 10 minutes. but last night...no, last night was special. when we saw the platforms cleared out, mal, maddy and i made our way to the front (it's gross, but again, just don't think about it. it's more fun to get in to it and laugh your ass off). the stripper walks up on the platform decked out in--get this--a SANTA costume. NO FREAKING WAY. and...it gets better...mariah carey comes on the speakers. "i don't want a lot for christmas...there is just one thing i need..." hahahahaa. so now when i hear that song, i think of that cute little girl from "love actually" and male strippers. awk.

around 230 we decided to head home, but our plans were foiled when we couldn't find a taxi for an hour. in the middle of december. on a wednesday. at 230 am. on the champs elysees. WHERE WERE ALL THE TAXIS?!



oh, gosh, i forgot to tell you the best part of my night. it has nothing to do with dancing or clubs or gay at all. i had dinner with the jeansons and the girl from upstairs. throughout dinner, paul was all whispering to christophe and isabelle, then looking at me. what's this kid got up his sleeve? well, after dinner, paul and christophe go to the kitchen, and come out singing happy birthday (in english) and holding a homemade chocolate cake! i'm gonna miss this family.

oh, wait, one more thing. i found out christophe is one of 8 siblings. 8! can you believe that?!